Mary Lou Williams - It Ain't Necessarily So

May 12, 2023, 1:08 PM - summer yay

12 hi first of all if found this cool jungle beat song listen to it
anyways i am half-officially done with school for the semester. i had really epic classes this year and in my linguistic anthropology class the main project was to invent a language and perform a skit in that language and last week we got to perform and see everyones skits and they were all so fucking good. one group had one where they needed to make a sacrifice and they almost sacrificed me but then changed their mind and sacrificed my teacher instead and then we all died. so good class
there was another one where they were on shark tank for their invention that could translate animal language into human language and i got animal crackers and catnip thrown at me and my stuffed animals stolen and they said our teacher looks high
all jokes aside it was a really tiny class there's like 15 of us and every single one of us was really genuinely having a great time with the class and all kinda got to know each other. i had a blast. and we're unoficcially meeting again nxet week to hang out and have a potluck
in other news i made a song u can find it here under music>original. its the first song i've made that im actually super happy with
what else ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk

April 8, 2023, 12:00 AM - hi again

hi its been a while! it hasn't actually been 2 months since i wrote something i deleted a couple recent ones. anyway since i haven't touched neocities in like a month
im just gonna write about stuff i did and have been thinking about
so first things first happy spring and spring break. spring break for me is about to end and i had a very good one. i went to san diego with my dad to see the
museum of us, and it was really underwhelming and dissapointing so we were like 'fuck this' and went to the scripps aquarium instead and it was good.
we were only at the museum for less than an hour. like dude im studying anthropology and i love anthropology and heres an anthropology museum i've heard is
really cool and it was just like, so empty? there were only a handful of exhibits, all of which were really small. there was one about ancient egypt
i actually kind of liked but even then, the info cards for each thing were really vague, as was the case for all the exhibits. it was like 'this is what
this thing is and how old it is and what it was probably used for the end'. and it sucks because they had an exhibit about human-animal interaction like pets, farming, and domestication, and an exhibit about secrets, and those both sound like they could be really really interesting but man?? the secrets one was made up of secrets written on cards by visitors, and the pets one was just like, weird? there was a little area about bugs as pets, and there was a little screen on the wall playing a video of someones 2 pet beetles fighting that felt like a tiktok or a youtube short.
but anyway. i also went to the museum of natural history and it was also good. i love looking at any vertebrate and being like 'he's just like me fr'. and there was an area about gems and minerals and i thought it was so cool!! i have had a lot bigger appreciation for biology now that i know more about it, i like being able to look at an animal and having a bigger idea of what it is im looking at, how it is and why it is. i wanna learn more about geology for that reason, like i think gems are cool, they are pretty and i love that they're literally a visual representation of the presence of math in nature, but i dont know a lot beyond that and i Fucking Want To. i think i need to take geology for a requirement anyways so.
and i went to a gibbon sanctuary and wow they are loud. we got there, and we had to wait in the parking lot and it was quiet the entire time, then later when we went in the person giving the tour was like 'oh they're gonna start singing' and then they started singing. and they did not stop singing. the entire time. it was great
and now it's the weekend and i've been doing fuckall. and its also great. i
watched the unbearable weight of massive talent and i haven't laughed so hard at a movie
in a long time. and DUDE i started playing SCORN!!!!!!!!!!! SCORN YAY WOOOOOO YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCORN!!!
its like this game was made for me dude. it's very much inspired by the works of h.r. giger, and, as i was very happy to find out, the polish artist zdzislaw beksinski.
zdzislaw beksinski was really like, the artist that made me begin to appreciate
art. i have loved his work for a long time, but never saw a lot of talk about him, so
it makes me so happy to see such a stunning game inspired by his work.
i really want to rant about SCORN more but im going to review it on backloggd so i will
not rant about SCORN. but wowwowow what a beautiful game. made by such a small
dev team too!!!!!!!!

ok so different topic and this is gonna be ranty(like this post hasnt been already?).
so a couple weeks ago in my biological anthropology class, we were talking about how
climate changes and how they lead to the extinction of human ancestors. and my professor made a breif comment like "this isn't the same as the human-caused climate change
thats happening right now. you guys (young people) are fucked".
and like, i don't know if this makes sense or is relatable, but despite the terrifying
reality of climate change, it's just been this thing thats been there my entire life.
like, i feel like it would be different if it was something we realized was happening within my lifetime.
since ive known about it basically my entire life, it's been so strangely easy to
forget about. it'll fade into the background, and then something as small and random
as the thing my teacher mentioend for like 2 seconds, throws me into a moment of "OH."
it's been a pattern as long as i can remember and it bothers me!!! it boths me how
i can just forget about this fucking thing
and for the same reason i feel like i never really knew what climate change actually
will entail/is currently causing. i just knew it was there and its scary, that its
killing the environment and making weather insanely dangerous etc. but like??
what fucking else you know?? i KNOW theres so much more to it and that
a lot of it will be things we never considered would be an outcome of it.
so anyway. when my teacher said that thing i asked him after class like
"how fucked are we actually" and like YEA, think of the supply problems, the mental health crises,
the giref and loss that came with COVID - what the hell is a CLIMATE CRISIS gonna fucking DO?!?!?
but he was also like. dont spend all your time worrying about it cuz youre gonna
go insane (i have not taken that advice to heart yet sorry unnamed proffessor),
but also don't just ignore it and shut it all out completely. and likea yea im
kinda glad he said that because in te moment i was currently spending all my time
worrying about it and going insane. and like that is just a good way to handle
a lot of things in general. so thank you for the life advice unnamed professor.
anyway. i dont know what the point of this is i just think its scary that
i didnt really think about what is happening and what is going to happen with
climate change until age 17.
anyways this got kind of depressing and sorry about that but ummmm thats all i have to
talk about bye

Feb. 3, 2023, 8:23 PM - aaaaaaaaaa

I was about to write something really sappy and then I deided not to but I'm here now so ummmmmmm

Jan. 31, 2023, 8:16 PM - talking about ADHD

I havent made an entry in a long time fuck!!!!!!
anyway I have Some Stuff to talk about. A week ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and it makes a lot of sense and I'm really
glad I know for sure now but I also have Mixed Feelings overall.
On one hand, it's really relieving to know that there is an explanation for why my brain is the way it is and I can stop
worrying about "am I looking at screens too much?? did video game make me stupid??? Is my brain just broken???".
I feel liike. normal for once.
But on the other hand, the more I gain an understanding of which of my behaviors are likely because I'm ADHD the
more frustrated it makes me knowing that these are things not everyone deals with. For a long time I thought it took
everyone hours to fall asleep because their thoughts were too loud. I thought everyone had as much trouble paying
attenion as I do. I thought everyone obsessed over negative experiences.
But not everyone struggles with those things so it's hard not to feel some kind of alienation.
I'm also really frustrated with the complete denial that ADHD even exists, and the idea that ADHD is something to be desired.
I don't look at my ADHD like an illness, I know that it is a part of me and it always will be for the rest of my life.
But if I wasn't ADHD, I would never look at how it makes me feel and the struggles that come with it and think "I wish I
had that, it would be great to hyperfocus on things",or "well, everyone is a little bit of that".

The most well known, and arguably stereotypical, parts of being ADHD - not being able to sit still, not being able to focus,
being impulsive, being distractible - are the things that are so often discussed that the emotional side of it is
barely recognized. The stereotypical idea of what ADHD looks like isn't always even true. I didn't find out that I was
ADHD until now - at 17 years old - because in my case it is practically invisible to others.
I am ADHD innatentive type, which is what used to be called ADD. ADD is now an outdated term because now it is recognized
that those with ADHD and "ADD" both have some form of hyperactivity. For innatentive type, the hyperactivity is predominantly
on the inside rather than the outside.

I wish I knew sooner, because as a little kid I ended up really disliking school because I never understood what was going on.
When I was like, 6 or 7, I was in a class where the teacher taught history with Legos, and he would show step by step how to put
together the project. I don't remember a single time that I didn't have to ask him or a classmate for help. I also
remember him (and other teachers) constantly asking if I'm listening and saying I look like I'm somewhere else.
Most of the classes I ever took, I ended up getting frustrated and deciding I would learn to do it myself.
Now I am in some classes at a local community college, and I really love the topic of these classes and the lectures are
so fun and i love anthro and i love science and and and and and
anyway since i love the classes so much it helps me pay attention and not have that same feeling of wanting to give up like I
did as a kid. But I do wonder what it will be like when I have to take classes I don't want to take. I hope that by then,
I'll understand it all a bit better and learn tools to help me stay engaged.
Anyway this entry was a lot different than my other ones I think but I wanted to get the thoughts out of my head.
In other news I went to my linguistic anthropology class today and it was epic. We talked about the origin of linguistics
and it was cool. And god there are so many Dudes and Guys who were just like hm what if actually things are Not LIke That
and then either got 4587425987498579 dollars or died because they were publishing/teaching heresey
Oh yea also this was in my biological anthropology class but yesterday I learned that Star Trek is based on
the voyage of the HMS Beagle because they Seeked Out New Life And Went Where No Man Has Gone Before JUst LIke STAR TREK
And i guess the ship in the original series is called the SS Beagle so thats progbably a reference. i dont know i dont
watch the original series because sorrryryyyyy next generation is better and I hate captain Kirk
Anyway I also did group disccusions and it was cool. we were supposed to talk about the article we read and we did for a bit
but then got sidetracked and started talking about pets and I showed my group a picture of my weirdo freako dog and
they immediately laughed at how weird she looks. and then they left so I talked to my teacher about concerts fir like
30 minutes. the end

Jan. 15, 2023, 5:14 PM - I fucking love creatures

Me and my sibling have been talking a lot about how cool nature is and I have been thinking about it a lot. I don't really
have anything specific to say but I just think its so cool that even though life is so so diverse most animals' skeletons are
just a rearrangement of another animal's skeleton. When you think about what the skeleton of an elephant's foot might look like
you might imagine something wildly different from our own skeleton's foot, but they have practically the exact same structure:

It's even the same thing with something as weird as whales!! And yeah it makes sense that they're like that since whales' ancestors
lived on land, but still, isn't that so weird and cool??:

Some animals have extra bones, and some animals have no bones at all, but really - almost all animals on Earth have arms and legs that
follow the pattern of one bone->two bones->lots of bones.
This is one of my favorite pictures ever:

This is a human compared to a gorilla. they're practically exactly the same, the biggest difference is the size of the gorilla's pelvic
bone and arm length. Other than that the structure is almost exactly the same but squished and stretched. and this picture makes me think
hehe I'm a animal too (very good thing to remember).

Something else I have been thinking about creatures is how many "educational" videos and documentaries there are about weird animals
that treat them like they're some kind of terrifying monster that you should hate and be afraid of.
I can't stand documentaries that push the idea that any animal is terrifying or gross, and in that kind of medium it's so easy
to persuade that idea with something as subtle as spooky music. But sometimes they go even beyond that and use strong language
calling the animals aliens, monsters, dangerous, violent, etc. And especially if its an American documentary.. it'll be over-
edited to the max... im sure you know what I'm talking about..
For God's sakes, a nature documentary isn't supposed to be persuasive in any way at all!! It's education!!!!
Like, yeah, sometimes animals are dangerous and there is really good reason to be afraid of them. But I think its valuable to
understand why that animal is the way it is and to be able to say exactly why it freaks you out instead of being like "ew what the
fuck is that kill it". I'm fucking terrified of chimpanzees, I would be terrified if I had to get close to one because they're
so incredibly strong, unpredictable, and typically violent. But they're also some of my favorite animals because it's so cool how similar
they are to us and how complex their social system is!! I love looking at a chimpanzee or a bonobo and being able to say "he's just like me fr"
Once you start to understand how the weirdest animals got to be the way they are, it's so much easier to be able to appreciate them.
Just the other day I was telling my sibling how much Megamouth sharks freak me out, and my sibling - being the shark expert that she is -
explained that usually when you see pictures of them, they're dead and washed up which makes them look scarier. You also usually only see
pictures of dead ones because they're so rare to see in the wild!! and they're also filter feeders and thats why they have weird "teeth".
They're also the smallest of all filter feeder sharks.
And after learning all of that I was like damn they're still kinda creepy but theyre also cool as hell and now i love megamouth sharks when I
kind of hated them before.

Anyway look at this video

Jan. 10, 2023, 11:32 PM - I got cool stickers + talking about language

I have things I want to talk about but it's all about school and I talk about school too much.
But I did get cool stickers today look at them.

Actually I'm gonna talk about school sorry its my fucking website
anyway I'm in a lingustic anthropology class and today we talked a bit about how language affects the way we interpret
the world around us simply because of the enormous amount of meaning we associate with even very simple words.
If you described your week in English, it will unavoidably be interpreted differently than if you described your
week in German.
The example my professor used was the word "freedom". I've lived in America my whole life, so when I hear "freedom", I
think of the American flag...A Eagle.....Guns.............. I don't know exactly what someone from a different
country might think of when they hear "freedom", but I don't think someone from Thailand or Italy would think of
American Flag and A Eagle and A Gun when they heard the word.
I told my sibling about this and they said that it's sad that, because of this, we'll probably never get to understand the full and true
meaning of movies in foreign languages, and I think thats a really good example too. There are so many words for concepts and feelings
that don't even have any direct translation to other languages, jokes that only make sense in their own language, and of course the
meanings that are applied to words differently across all languages.
It's really really fascinating but kind of sad at the same time. I want to be able to understand everything all the time !!!!!!! I
want to understand art the way it was meant to be understood!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Jan. 7, 2023, 4:20 PM - Stuff I did (also haha weed number)

Today I went to the arcade with my dad and we played giant crossy road almost the whole time and I beat the daily
high score ecause it was only 110 and got a lot of tickets but then a birthday pary showed up so we left and i got
chocolate strawberries from 7/11 and they were ok and then we went to a duck pond and fed cat food to ducks and now
i am going to watch the grand budapest hotel for the second time because it is good

Jan. 3, 2023, 4:50 PM - 2023 thoughts

i am back because i am still sick laying in bed and i dont know what else to do.
there is only 6 days left until the first day of class but 6 days feels like 6 months !! fuck the illusion of time !!

anyway i want to talk about 2023 because i didn't in my last entry because i
was loopy from pain meds and it was also 2am..
for once i dont feel like "wow it feels like the year just started where did the time go". no.......
january 2022 feels like a lifetime ago.. it was an eventful year for me in a lot of really good ways and a lot of really
bad ways. january 2022 i took my first college class!! and it was fucking hard even though it
was an easy A because i had to present
the stuff i made which ive never done before and i was Unmedicated and it gave me an awful first impression of college.
but THEN in the fall semester i took the coolest class ever with the coolest professor ever about the
coolest subject ever, and now im looking forward to my future classes because i know that yeah of
course im gonna have classes that suck but ill also have classes that are as awesome as that
one was.
a lot is going to change this year and its gonna be weird. i wont go into detail though... this
is a public page after all....
my cat is sitting with me. im going to make her write something.

.//;./.,./m mk

thank you chica she is now immortalized. anyway i think the weirdest part of 2022 and going into 2023 is
being so much more aware about how i and the things around me are changing. i know its no big secret that
yeah Things Change Overtime. but when covid was happening and everything was the same all the time i never
thought about it at all. i also used to be so preoccupied with figuring out what i was interested in and
what i was going to do in the future etc. but it doesnt Fucking matter. its not like im getting old its
not like im running out of time. i hate the idea of "oh when yoiu turn 40 you're officially old and
your life is over tough luck". is it the fuck ing 1800s ???? chances are youre not gonna die at 40.
i guess im just realizing that Oh i have an entire life in front of me. anyway this is getting very rant-y so goodbye

Jan. 3, 2023, 2:13 AM - Happy c00l year

happy new year !!!! its exciting ayaaaay!! i got very sick right before new years !! and spent the last few days of 2022 sleeping and watching youtube and the first few days of 2023 sleeping and watching youtube. and taking a lot of painkillers. and drawing !!!!!!! yes!!!!!!! i have drawn for the first time in a month huzzah.
ok bye

Dec. 28, 2022 - Thankee

i now have 3 followers on neocities... i appreciate you!!!

Dec. 27, 2022 - remember when amogus

today i have done nothing except i sewed up a hole in my pilleow pet and i am going to the arcade later.
i am trying to decide if my blog entries should go from newest to oldest or oldest to newest. I guess newest to oldest would make sense?
i wonder if i will still have this website in like 10 years when im a cool epic a nthropology student who is so cooland epic
and look at my old blog entires like lol remember when amongus
also winter break is almost over and i am excited to learn about monkeys. ok bye look at this weird monkey (uakari monkey)

Dec. 24, 2022 - Merry crisis

today i am tired and i am tired and tired i am in a cave wet and cold and screaming wooaaaooauuugh
but also me & my family made christmas cookies. i made a walter white christmas cookie
and i opened a chridstmas eve present and i got comparritive brains in lucite and its fucking epic